I hate to admit this, but yes…I watched Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice” season finale last Sunday night. Furthermore, I must confess a moderate addiction to the show since late February. Quite frankly, I anticipated Sunday night’s almost as much as that first cold PBR at day’s end (almost).
My late winter visit to Mobile resulted in catching the “Trump flu”, and I couldn’t seem to shake it as I made my way back North across the Mason Dixon line this spring.
So here’s the task; let’s take the current cast of characters from Washington, our “celebrity politicians” (you know, the famous career public servants from the Clinton administration, Chicago, and San Francisco), and turn them over to Trump!
Now for those of you yet to succumb to the TV reality show affliction so prevalent in America today (as I opine about in “American Idleness – apathy in politics”), here’s the premise of “The Apprentice”…
The participants are separated into two groups and assigned a task. After the specifics are detailed to the teams, a “project manager” is selected for each side. The task always involves a business related objective, often associated with a corporate brand, product or service. Raising money is part of the assignment, and believe it or not, it never includes raising taxes, on anything or anyone (what a novel concept). Contestants are judged on their performance, individually as well as the team. Everything counts, from team work, to initiative, to leadership and ultimately, results. Not just speeches or promises, results. Oh yea…and no teleprompters are allowed…
In fact, and in the spirit of the “fairness doctrine” and bipartisanship, let’s put the liberal celebrity politicians against conservative politicians (if there are any left). Can you imagine; a “community organizer” and career politician with zero experience in the private sector, leading a team of government wonks and social theorists against a group of fiscal conservatives from the business world? Witnessed and evaluated by “The Donald” and the world…talk about full disclosure and maybe a potential vetting process that may put the “town hall meetings” and debates to shame… hmmm
So here is my proposed “dream team” of celebrity politicians and the “task” on which they will be hired, or FIRED…
· President Barrack “Change” Obama – Project manager
· Nancy “Water board” Pelosi
· Harry “Dirty” Reid
· Barney “Mortgage boy” Frank
· Hillary “Hipster” Clinton
· Charles “Porky” Schumer
· Janeane “Teabagger” Garofalo – the Dennis Rodman of politicians(just for fun)
· Gov. Sarah “Hockey Mom” Palin – Project manager
· John “Buckeye” Boehner
· Mitch “Mormon” Romney
· Jim “Earmark” DeMint
· Bobby “Brady” Jindal
· Tom “Doc” Coburn
· Rush “Stogie” Limbaugh – again, just for fun, Jeanne (har har)
Develop a marketing campaign and help save a small family owned business based in NY State. The company produces consumer products utilizing a direct sales business model. Topical skin care and pain creams are the primary brands based in natural ingredients. A husband and wife are the principle owners, with a staff of 10 employees. After expenses, the couple earns over $250,000 a year, pays health insurance for their employees, and offers profit sharing as well as performance based incentives. Recent changes in the state and federal budgets are adversely impacting their business, and sales are way down. NY State imposes the highest rates on small business, property/school taxes, and personal income in the nation. The Obama budget offers no relief and further penalizes business and achievers. They have to drastically increase sales, move to another state, take no salary, lay off employees, or shut down completely. They also donate 10% to their church and another 10% to various charities annually. This is your task, no taxes can be raised or contributions solicited from unions or billionaire party supporters. Only hard work, creativity, and production in the real world of business, people and families will be allowed. I can predict who would win and who Trump would “FIRE”….can you?